I have read a book recently about Finances, and I really want to start my own business. I was referred to one site where it says Zero Capital. You can imagine how I am with that news! When I went to that site, I found out that they are doing a 2 full day seminar regarding this, but in order to go you need a 11,000. Heck! I do not have any money that is why I am looking for it, then I need to pay 11,000 before I can attend. I can understand that it is their business, and that money is a qualifier so I can start my own business with zero capital, but I feel bad about it :(

Enjoy every moment :) Do not rush to be an Adult :D

I just read a nice romance novel about best friend and how sometimes its not best if they became lovers. 

Years ago, and I know I still am  I am  fascinated on a love story between hetero-best friends. Maybe because of the hopeless romantic me that found those kind of story is pretty endearing because of familiarity and how you guys spent your childhood together plus the guys are always amazing! . Yeah I am a sucker for childhood sweetheart and young love that leads to happiness forever after things. During that time, I unconsciously let those fantasies affect my mind and feelings that I over analyze things and decided that I love my past guy best friend. I remember giving too much meaning on simplest thing that he did for me or the stuff that people we both know said on how good we look together and so on. I was happy that finally I know the feeling of falling in love. Sadly, when things blows out of proportion and I need to fixed my somewhat shattered life, I just realized that I make another mistake again. I did not have that feeling as what I thought I had for him. I admit I feel jealous when he told me that he will have another girl close friend, but I realized that is because I let my mind think that no one will be his closest friend except me. 

I love the story line of that novel because I can relate to the heroine. She thought that she loved her best friend as a man who she would want to marry someday, but she realized that she only love him as her big brother. 

If you would ask me what is the most memorable line I will remember, I will not think twice and tell you these: Maybe not all best friends are best lovers and there are things that lose its value when changed. It's like our relationship, its better if we will remained best of friends"

You need to sacrifice something in order to gain something. I always remember that though ever since I was child. This is the main reason why I love Full Metal Alchemist, its very realistic in some sort of way :) 

I was torn. I am lost...again. 

I do not know when or how when will I find the new me. If I will love it or despise it secretly. All I know is I feel that I am in the same road but with different destination. A place where I am confused which way should I take in, will I turn left? right? or walk ahead. It seems so funny that wherever way will I take, I will gain something and I know it as a matter of fact. But maybe time makes people wiser, there are times where I think which is the easiest past to what I desire. It will be easier if I know what I really desire, but I know deep within me I wanted to be who I am. I wanted to surprise myself and reminisce all the bumps, twist and turns of what had happen. Maybe I am too tired of a monotonous boring life that I wanted to have some "funny" things to tell. 

 Its been a while since i remember some of my dreams, but just a couple of days I have two consecutive strange dreams.

The first one was last Wednesday I was in a conference room with my team mates and lead. We are having a meeting over something I can't remember, all I know is we are discussing something with our customer when suddenly someone who shouldn't be in the call speak and told that her team mate will be joining the call as well. I was so shocked because they are not suppose to be there, when I look at my calendar and email, I have sent them the invites for the meeting and I was froze on my seat because my team lead look at me and his eyes telling me "Here you go again Ellen, You're so stupid and careless. Grow Up!" I am really scared that I really don't know what should I do. Imagine, I have sent a wrong invite to a very busy and important customer.  When I woke up, I immediately look at my calendar and emails. Scanning as a mad cow and checking if I organize a meeting this week or next week.

The second one happened yesterday. I dream that my parents and I bought a new house. Its a bit big house and we are getting it as a Rent to own. It was cream colored and have a nice pathway. It actually like an apartelle but it only had one gate, a big front yard with little grasses. Though the house shape is somewhat weird because it looks like a letter C on the top view, its looks like a half arena. When we got inside and talk about the house, the stairs caught my eyes. On the part where I was looking, its just a regular stairs which I only need one step. But when I tried to go up, it seems I am in Wonderland, it became a big and higher that I need to jump just to reach the first step. Another weird thing is, there's a dog below the staircase, I can't remember if its mad or a cute one, but I was afraid that it will bite me. I successfully reach the first step, and the dog just bark and not reaching for me. When I went upstairs, I was shocked to see a small room, like my previous room, and you can see patches on the wall. Then I found myself outside and observing the place. There are people outside the house gate and waiting for jeepneys and other mode of transportation. Actually I remember i told myself that our future house is good because I will not have a hard time on commuting since the vehicles are passing in front of the house. While outside I also wondering if my mom will be lonely since we will be away from the place where we live ever before I saw this world, but when I realized that we can easily go back there I think its a good house, the location and all. Feeling Satisfied, I go back to the house and i notice that there is cute stone pathway to the door (Ever since before, I always wanted a pathway for my future house). 

I was actually wondering what those two dreams meant...I 
Though its a weird dream, i find myself happy, because I can feel that I am going back to that little dreamer that I was before.

If you happen to know what those dreams means, kindly tell me please :)

 Its been a while since i remember some of my dreams, but just a couple of days I have two consecutive strange dreams.

The first one was last Wednesday I was in a conference room with my team mates and lead. We are having a meeting over something I can't remember, all I know is we are discussing something with our customer when suddenly someone who shouldn't be in the call speak and told that her team mate will be joining the call as well. I was so shocked because they are not suppose to be there, when I look at my calendar and email, I have sent them the invites for the meeting and I was froze on my seat because my team lead look at me and his eyes telling me "Here you go again Ellen, You're so stupid and careless. Grow Up!" I am really scared that I really don't know what should I do. Imagine, I have sent a wrong invite to a very busy and important customer.  When I woke up, I immediately look at my calendar and emails. Scanning as a mad cow and checking if I organize a meeting this week or next week.

The second one happened yesterday. I dream that my parents and I bought a new house. Its a bit big house and we are getting it as a Rent to own. It was cream colored and have a nice pathway. It actually like an apartelle but it only had one gate, a big front yard with little grasses. Though the house shape is somewhat weird because it looks like a letter C on the top view, its looks like a half arena. When we got inside and talk about the house, the stairs caught my eyes. On the part where I was looking, its just a regular stairs which I only need one step. But when I tried to go up, it seems I am in Wonderland, it became a big and higher that I need to jump just to reach the first step. Another weird thing is, there's a dog below the staircase, I can't remember if its mad or a cute one, but I was afraid that it will bite me. I successfully reach the first step, and the dog just bark and not reaching for me. When I went upstairs, I was shocked to see a small room, like my previous room, and you can see patches on the wall. Then I found myself outside and observing the place. There are people outside the house gate and waiting for jeepneys and other mode of transportation. Actually I remember i told myself that our future house is good because I will not have a hard time on commuting since the vehicles are passing in front of the house. While outside I also wondering if my mom will be lonely since we will be away from the place where we live ever before I saw this world, but when I realized that we can easily go back there I think its a good house, the location and all. Feeling Satisfied, I go back to the house and i notice that there is cute stone pathway to the door (Ever since before, I always wanted a pathway for my future house). 

I was actually wondering what those two dreams meant...I always believe that there is something with dreams, and that they are always a symbol for something.

Though its a weird dream, i find myself happy, because I can feel that I am going back to that little dreamer that I was before.

If you happen to know what my dreams are telling, please let me know :)

Cause life's a constant change , And nothing stays the same..

I was in high school when I first hear this song, and as a cry baby as I am ; tears suddenly fell. For me, this songs really tell what life is. It moves, it change, and the sad part is, this thing is constant.

Things are changing, and I really don't know if I like or not the rest of it. Sometimes I want to go back to the 16 year old little me. I want to give my best at everything I do and forget the looks people gave. I miss me, but I know I needed this to be stronger. Papa God will guide me, I know it, I can feel it.

 Just typing the title make me want to SCREEEAAAMM!. Beware for those who not yet seen Secret Garden, this is a MAJOR Spoiler


















2. Lines
"I swore on the memory of my parents and your mother that I wouldn’t see you again/ my body has turned away but my heart won’t leave." - Ra Im

"A normal woman can become a queen and a precious woman can become a servant according to how the person who loves her is" - Yoon Seul

"Is this the best? Are you sure?" - Kim Joo Won





--will continue tomorrow.

I am in a silent-hyper mode!! (what?, dont bother my weird reactions)

I was checking on my fb when I my eyes caught a very interesting photo :) It was a photo Gui Gui posted on her fb.

TADA!

After almost two years (if I calculate correctly), I've stop my Guiwang related posts, which includes accesing AsianFanatics.net. But when I saw this, my hands are so itchy and wanted to visit that site again. I am so happy that they are now in Thread 4! YAY! and i am back to noob days! :P

I really wished I will read a news that they will do another series :) or if Cupid loves me, they will shoot their hearts! <3 *dreaming mode on*

With full of dreams!
Ellen :)

 Its late TT, I supposed to post it yesterday, but i got extremely busy (Sleeping and going to work). Enough for excuses :P 

My calendar reminds me that it's been 6 years when Shinhwa's Crab Prince release his Solo album entitled Love of May, too bad I didnt even know he exists:P To celebrate this day, please listen to Same Thoughts. I think this will be if not my favorite, one of my favorite songs of him..his voice is really angelic and love the MV, I am fascinated by mermaids so I really really love this MV :P



Lyrics by Shin HyeSung, Park ChangHyun

I open my eyes to somewhere that seems awkward
I guess that it just seems that it wasn't only my premonition.
It always seemed that way
Our thoughts were always the same.
Even when we parted it seemed they were the same
I hope they weren't
I hope that at that one time they weren't
I hope our thoughts aren't the same.
It always seemed that way
That you'd be smiling next to me
Now I know that it can't be that way any longer

*CHORUS*
If it is not, if you're not my love
Then I'll just live knowing nothing
I had no idea my heart could hurt so much like this
My last gift will always be for you
I open my eyes as if I'm waking up from being asleep
How long had I been dreaming?
I look at the sky and pools of tears form around my eyes
I want to close my eyes again but that's impossible

*Repeat

Always the same thoughts and the same dreams
I wanted it to be deep
But this is our final thought
Our thoughts can be the same again
When I open my eyes, if only my love were correct
So I just end up unable to do anything...
My heart is hopelessly broken in this way
My last gift will always be for you
You are my last

P.S hearing this song makes me remember Jinnie and Wannie Oppa's Version:P